According to public polls, the fear of public speaking
trumps fear of death, thereby preventing hundreds of
thousands of messages from being brought into the world
every day. As far as I’m concerned, that death is worse
than any other kind. At no time in history have messages
been more important to deliver than right now. Nothing
should keep them from being heard—least of all fear.
So what is this fear, exactly, and why is it so paralyzing?
Well, the truth is, we’re not afraid of speaking in public.
We are terrified of being humiliated.
It’s a subtle distinction, but a very important one because
one thwarts transformation and the other aids it. What can
you do if you’re “afraid of public speaking” except not speak
in public? But when you speak the truth of it, that you’re
afraid of being humiliated, you can do so much with it!
Like, find out if that fear is true…and worth the silencing of
your message.
I tell my students all the time: your words inform your
world, so watch the words that you use. So stop saying,
“I’m afraid of speaking in public,” and begin saying, “I’m
afraid of being humiliated.” When you recognize the difference,
you’ll see that one does not equal the other. The number of
times you will truly experience humiliation, out of all of the
times you will actually speak, is infinitesimal—if it happens
at all.
This week, I’m going to write several posts on this subject,
but for now, let’s look at what contributes to the paralyzing
idea that you will be humiliated in public, and see if, by
weeks’ end, you can turn that fear around.
What Contributes to Our Fear of Being Humiliated In Public:
- It’s happened to us. Once upon time, bursting with
excitement and genius, we bared our psyches only to
have an adult cut us down, or an event happen, that
brought our peers to laughter. - We’re mimicking “old school” presenters whose
techniques perpetuate awkwardness before a crowd,
which in turn leads us to embarrass ourselves. - We’re self-focused, making us self-important. Rather
than focusing on giving to the audience, we’re focused
on getting approval from them. We feel a strong need
to be perfect and if we aren’t, we experience shame. - We simply aren’t prepared. We don’t know our material
well enough and we haven’t practiced delivering it. Once
in front of a room, we forget, lose our way, and feel deep
embarrassment because of it. - We’re unsure about the value of our message and so
we under-deliver (or over-deliver), and that insecurity
leads us, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, to do something
we so wish we hadn’t, staining us with humiliation.
Tomorrow, I’ll say more about each of these, so stay tuned! In the
meantime, start admitting to yourself that what you’re really afraid
of is being embarrassed–not speaking in public. This will now
put control back in your hands…as you prepare to share the message
you are here to give!