Here is the next excerpt from “One of a Kind: The Powerhouse Strategy for Standing Out and Leading the Way with Your Business.” I’m releasing the ebook next week on an inteview call I’m doing with Therese Skelly. Definitely get on that here so you can hear me share with her how to get a truly one-of-a-kind business identity!
INTRODUCTION
If you are on this planet to serve the people on it through your business, you must succeed. You were not graced with the calling, talent and skill that you have just to fade into the background, unrecognized.
Yet, as you’ve heard countless times, talent and skill do not equate to business success. So many follow their passions only to end up sharing the very best of themselves with only a tiny circle of friends and family. They end up giving up and packing up because they cannot support themselves.
But then something far, far, far worse ensues. They end up living a life “unused.”
“This is the true joy in life: the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature…I want to be thoroughly used up when I die…” --George Bernard Shaw
To be used up, I believe, is what every one of us wants. Not being so may be the only cause of our depression, the only thing that truly ages us.
You must be thoroughly used up when you die. And if your purpose is linked to your business, you must get your business right. But so many don’t take the time to understand all that is involved. This book isn’t designed to give an overview of all of the elements essential in building a successful business—there are plenty of those out there. This book is here to impress upon you one single thing:if you are not different in the marketplace, you will die with your song still in you.
The pain of blending in is a primal one, and will affect you on deep levels.
How does it feel when you get a blank stare or a look of confusion when you talk about your business? Or when only a few people sign up for your tele-call or seminar? How does it feel when people unsubscribe, or you go days and weeks without a single opt-in? What happens in you when, one after another, prospects slip out of your net?
I’ve seen it. A part of you is thrust back to high school, to the popular guy who never so much as sent you a glance; to the day you were passed over for the team; to all the parties where you hung back against the wall, unnoticed…and to all the times since, when friends, colleagues and even your own family haven’t recognized your value.
IT HURTS.
When your business isn’t special, it’s much too easy to start to think that you aren’t, and your confidence suffers a mighty blow that can too often be fatal to your business and your mission.
There is nothing more painful than not being worthy of someone’s attention. And in business, nothing more deadly than not being worthy of someone’s money.
When you can fill in this sentence, everything will change for you: “My business is the only one you will ever find that ____.”
When you can master this, the pain you’ve felt every time a prospect has rejected you will be replaced by a confidence that surpasses all understanding.
Being the “only one”–not just in your field, but period–is the game-changer.
Being “the only one who____” changes you from the inside out.
It heals the primal pain of going unseen.
It removes the pain of not fulfilling your life’s mission.
It assures you that you will be “used up.”
And it is the answer to most of your business problems:
- Your vague and fuzzy articulation about what you do
- Disinterested prospects in your 1-to-1 sales conversations
- Poor attendance on tele-calls and other speaking events
- The uphill battle to get clients
- Low opt-ins on your website
Being provocatively unlike everyone else is the direct route to making money and to bending ears so that you change the world (which you’re here to do, by the way.)
So decide right now that you will put your attention on this. Very few other business efforts will matter if this isn’t right. To thrive–in business and in your own heart–you cannot spend one more minute in oblivion.
You would think this was obvious, but just take a look around at most service-based businesses: you could line them up and not one would stand out. You may notice shades of differences here and there, but overall, nothing would raise your brow in intrigue. Almost instantly, your brain would check out.
Why is this?
…The Establishment
I can’t speak definitively, of course, but after ten years of experience, I believe one answer is that there isn’t a clear enough definition of “what is different enough,” and so service entrepreneurs delude themselves into thinking they’re somehow making the grade….
You can read the rest next week when the book will be available. Do listen in to my call with Therese, too, on May 5th. We’re bestest friends and it’s going to be a great interview! Check it out here.
In that state—with a topic I’d conjured just a few minutes before my turn–I gave an interactive presentation that went beyond the scope of a traditional speech. The teacher, who had become a friend and was, as I said, someone I wanted to impress, hated it and held nothing back in a scathing attack that left me—it felt at the time—stripped of dignity.
There is no question: I was humiliated. I experienced the nightmare everyone tries to avoid when they avoid speaking: public ridicule.
I left the seminar room for sometime that afternoon and when I returned, I was greeted by compassion and warmth from my peers, but the flame of embarrassment burned all else away.
I tell you this story for a few reasons. One is that it illustrates a powerful force: the self-fulfilling prophecy. This is, I believe, the only reason we will ever actually get ourselves into a humiliating situation: we have all but “ordered it” from the ethers. The fact is, I was so afraid of making a mistake in front of those two idols of mine that I had no choice but to do just that. And what is at the core of these self-fulfilling prophecies? Once again, much too much self-attention. Needing our “self” to be perfect, admirable, important, respected. What we “need” too much, we will destroy.
So, a vital step to being at ease with an audience is reducing your own importance. I help my students move from being speakers to teachers because when we’re teachers, who is important? The ones in the seat, not the one on the stage. Second, you want to acknowledge your neediness because it will sabotage you if it stays unconscious. With awareness, you can summarily dismiss it. The bottom line is, you can only “think yourself” into disaster.
I also tell you this story to make this critical point: Despite that weekend debacle, I teach presenting and speaking skills, and most think I’m pretty good. That weekend didn’t break me. It didn’t diminish me, either. Why? Because I didn’t let it (after a day of processing it, that is.). I experienced everyone’s worst-case public speaking fiasco—but 
I don’t want to make money by gouging other people
of their hard-earned money. (And I never have.) Isn’t
that what the banks do? I don’t want to make money
by hosting a seminar that’s really a pitch-fest. I believe
that’s called bait-and-switch. I don’t want to make
money from obscenely inflated home-study products
or memberships. And I don’t want to tell my daughter
I made money following. 
By the end of the 5th session, M&M no doubt feel a little
like this guy. One of them says to me, “I can hardly wait
for the next session!” with a little more than a touch of
sarcasm. I can be highly creative, but I can also be meti-
culously analytical, and this is the session where that side
of me comes out in spades! I lead them step-by-step through
a detailed discussion of how to market their signature portal
seminar.
They want to penetrate a local, not national, market, so we
explore an entirely local strategy—yet this session will
stimulate your marketing juices, even if you are doing on-
line marketing. So the question we answer in this session
is, “What are all the ways you’re going to reach your
market?”
We list all Touch-Point 1 venues again–churches, Rotary Clubs
and other affinity groups, schools and referral partners, and then
(and this is where it got painstakingly detailed), we moved through
every step in the communication process with each venue.
What does the initial outreach look like for most of them? Usually,
it’s calling to ask what form of contact they prefer: letter, brief face-
to-face appointment, phone call, email? They would do this with
referral partners and the places where they would actually give
their seminar. Then, we look at every communication piece
they will need, from letters of introduction, to a phone script, to
leave-behinds such as fliers or postcards. They’ll need something
for their referral partners (marriage counselors) to hand out to their
clients about the signature program, and they’d need something
to hand churches, schools and affinity groups that would describe
the event and its benefit to them.
This may all seem common sense, but I tell you, very few people
subject their marketing to such microscopic analysis until it’s
right upon them, and then they become overwhelmed. M&M may
feel blown away with all the initial footwork and planning that’s
entailed in formulating all of the promotional communication,
but it’s better to be overwhelmed with lots of time on your hands
than with very little–which is the case for most.
We also talk about networking options for them, such as 
In my third session with M&M, we delve very specifically
into the topic for their “portal,” signature program. In order
for this seminar to be Brain-Sticky, it must solve their market’s
biggest problem—based on our work on their “Trigger Event.”
The couples M&M serve, and want to serve more, bring in a
decent income; income is not their problem. Their problem is
that despite good income, they keep coming up short every
month. They have nothing to show for the hard work and
respectable salary. And from the Trigger Event exercise, we
realize that the husband most commonly blames the wife
for spending too much each month. He’s said it before, but
is never heard. The wife believes wholeheartedly that what
she purchases is necessary. Then, we uncovered that perhaps
the husband is making purchases that aren’t showing up on
the credit card—secret purchases.
I ask M&M, what is the bottleneck problem? If 
So in this session, we delve deeply
into this subject, again gathering
data and building upon it. Where
have they spoken before? Where
could they speak that they’d never
thought of, and which are the three
most effective venues? We decide
that to attract couples, they would
reach out to churches, libraries,
Audiences will not listen to you just because you’re standing in front
of a room. Did you listen to your English teachers or Social Studies
teachers just because they were there? Of course not. The ones you
listened to were the ones who earned your listening. Adults may
be more politically correct than kids and give you the impression that
they’re listening—but unless you have earned it, they’re tuned out.
How do you “earn their listening”? First, let’s talk about how you
don’t. Just in any conversation, whether with one or one thousand
people, you lose their listening when you start out talking about
yourself. They don’t care about you. Not yet. You have to earn
that. Begin by entering their world and showing them that you under-
stand them. That you respect them. When people are acknowledged,
they’re all ears.
You lose their listening if you don’t persuade them that they will
benefit from something you have to say. My daughter comes home
every day telling me “school was boring.” I don’t doubt it. Wasn’t it
boring when you went, too? Her teachers are not enrolling the kids
in the benefits of learning about fungi or Ancient Rome. You must
convince them that they’ll gain from listening to you–right from the
outset. If you fail at this, you’ve lost them for the rest of the ride.
You lose their listening if you’re not speaking their language. Literally.
Know the industry lingo. But at the same time, do not use your indus-
ry lingo with an audience who’s not in your industry!!! This kind of lack-
of-awareness is epidemic. Do you use words others don’t know to impress
them–or just because you’re not thinking?
You’ll lose their listening really fast if the language isn’t right, either.
A particular pet peeve of mine is incorrect grammar. I can’t tell you how
many “professional speakers” don’t speak correct English. They lose my
listening the instant they mix up “me” with “I.” As in, “The team went to
the meeting with Roger and myself,” or “He was so much better than me
at selling.” Please read a grammar book if you’re unsure.
You’ll lose their listening if you don’t tell them why you are up there.
What are the education and credentials that make you worthy of their
listening? The best method is to tell us a story that explains what brought
you to this spot in front of the room. Perhaps it’s a before and after story;
or a story of an “aha” moment that changed everything. I don’t know any-
one who won’t listen to a good story. Do you